Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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