I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
