I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
