it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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