When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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