I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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