for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
