Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
