Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
