why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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