A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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