Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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