All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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