Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
