who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
