I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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