is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
