So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
