I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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