If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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