answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
