Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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