So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We don't watch enough power rangers
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I am one with the molecules
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
