Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
not ubering you a puppy
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
