You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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