Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
