the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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