I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
