Nicole vs. Life
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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