I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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