i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
