Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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