He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
