forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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