I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
