his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
