I cockslap morals
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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