I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
