Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
