Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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