marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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