Dual....:-)
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
