I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
