ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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