I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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