i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
