maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
