im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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