A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
