Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
