Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
