insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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