oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
