I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
