I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think my vagina is haunted
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
