You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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