I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
