dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
