remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
