Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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