Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
