I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize