Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
