I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
