My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she told me i tasted like america
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't deserve a penis
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
