Will you blow on my dice?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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