my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
