Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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