When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
