It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
