It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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