So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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