Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
