By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
