I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
