You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Bring me that man meat
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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