you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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