I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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