Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
