Sponge bath it is.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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