what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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