i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
