It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
