I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
