So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
PANTIES FOUND
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