I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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