lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
