i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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